Lonely at work? Emotional intelligence can help

While remote work offers several benefits such as flexibility, working from home can also be lonely. In one survey almost a quarter (23%) of remote workers reported feeling lonely. Loneliness at work can result in decreased productivity, and feelings of dissatisfaction. 

Emotional intelligence can help us understand what to do to feel more connected at work. Here are four steps to take:

Develop Self-Awareness

Most of us experience periods of loneliness. Being self-aware allows us to better recognize when we are feeling lonely, link it to what is going on at the time, and come up with solutions. Even being able to express what we are feeling can help alleviate loneliness, as naming what we’re feeling helps us to gain more control over our emotions. Consider journaling when you feel lonely to understand what you’re feeling, as well as what situations cause these feelings. Discovering the circumstances that cause loneliness may help you avoid or alleviate loneliness in the future. 

Manage Emotions

There are various methods for regulating and coping with our emotions, and one size does not fit all. Some methods that are known to work are deep breathing, mindfulness, walking in nature, or simply getting away momentarily from the setting we are in. I have found taking a short break from whatever is stressing me out and imagining a relaxed pleasurable experience helps me regulate my emotions. Experiment with different practices to learn what works for you.

Increase Empathy

If we are high in empathy, we will be more likely to reach out to others if we are experiencing feelings of loneliness. One way to increase empathy is to identify the emotions you hear someone bring up in conversations. For example: “I hear you are feeling angry, sad, or afraid.” Chances are others share our feelings, and may be hesitant to reach out, unaware that others are struggling with the same problem. By increasing our empathy and reaching out, we form bonds, increase vulnerability, openness, and connection. Knowing that we are not alone in our situation and having people we can reach out to for support can go a long way in making us feel more connected.

Build connections

As humans we are hardwired to connect with others. This becomes even more important for remote workers. Creating opportunities to build connections is something that everyone needs to take ownership of, from leaders on down.

Set aside some social time where everyone can share what is going on in their lives apart from work. If you have regular online meetings, take a few minutes to share something personal, such as challenges, struggles, and joys. If you have colleagues in the same city, try to get together in person on occasion. Encourage and support each other to come up with ideas on how to connect. Leadership could also host office lunches, where the company covers the cost of lunch and provides space for an informal online get-together. One of the ongoing topics could be how other people experience loneliness and what tools they use to work through it. 

Leaders can use their emotional intelligence to combat the loneliness associated with remote work. In my book Bigger Hearted: a Retired Pediatrician’s Prescriptions for Living a Happier Life, I describe how the head of a local mental health center worked to alleviate loneliness on his team. He called each of them during their work hours, staying up late for several nights so he could talk to those who covered late-night emergencies. 

It may also help to seek value and connection outside of work, whether through time with family and friends, hobbies, or volunteer work. Having something where you know you will be seen, heard, and supported can help alleviate loneliness and offer a bright spot in the day to look forward to.