Just For Fun

Aaron Rodgers Fuming That NFL Hasn’t Added Expansion Te...

MONTCLAIR, NJ—Declaring that this was no way to treat a Super Bowl winner and fo...

Star BYU Player Suspended After Testing Positive For Co...

PROVO, UT—In a crushing blow to the team’s hopes of winning the NCAA men’s tourn...

Tiger Woods Claims That In Time He Will Fuck Everyone’s...

JUPITER ISLAND, FL—Providing context after the announcement of his new relations...

JuJu Watkins Sprains Bun

LOS ANGELES—In what could prove a devastating loss for the top-seeded Big Ten te...

March Madness By The Numbers

The 2025 NCAA Division I men’s and women’s basketball tournaments kick off next ...

Cory Booker Sets Record For Longest Fingernails On Sena...

WASHINGTON—Giving Democrats a sense of hope for the first time in months, Sen. C...

Trump Calmly Reminds Nation That Desire The Root Of All...

WASHINGTON—Seeking to reassure the public after his latest tariffs sent both U.S...

Trump Boasts About Strong-Arming Trump Into Pausing Tar...

WASHINGTON—Bragging that he had forced the world leader into “total submission,”...

Trump Boys Hook Dollar Bill Up To Potato To Make Crypto...

PALM BEACH, FL—Boasting that they were about to become “gajillionaires” thanks t...

White House Revokes Biden’s Veneers

The post White House Revokes Biden’s Veneers appeared first on The Onion.

Trump Assures U.S. Farmers Barron Will Eat Their Crops

WASHINGTON—In an effort to dispel any fears that the ongoing trade wars might ne...

Trump Assures Wall Street He’ll Go Back To Just Fucking...

WASHINGTON—In response to market panic about his new wide-ranging tariffs, Presi...

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Chuck Schumer

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) has published a new book, Antisemiti...

Salvadoran President Claims He Lacks Humanity To Return...

WASHINGTON—During a visit with President Donald Trump at the White House, El Sal...

Trump’s Tariffs By The Numbers

The Trump administration has raised taxes on Chinese imports to 125% as the trad...

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Lady Gaga

This month Lady Gaga released Mayhem, her seventh studio album. The Onion sat do...