Pope Francis Back In Hospital After Eating Entire Bag Of Jelly Beans

VATICAN CITY—Landing in the emergency room after he ended his solemn Easter blessing by vomiting bright colors from a balcony onto the crowd in St. Peter’s Square, His Holiness Pope Francis was admitted back into the hospital Sunday as a result of eating an entire bag of jelly beans. “Ugh, no—I promised myself I’d just have a few, but then I couldn’t stop,” the Supreme Pontiff said as he collapsed before the horrified gathering of the faithful, who less than a month after welcoming the pope home from his lengthy stay in Rome’s Gemelli Hospital were now splattered in the partially digested contents of a 32-ounce pouch of Jelly Bellys. “Those things started disagreeing with me during mass, especially after they were joined in my stomach by the body and blood of Christ. I hope this doesn’t set back my pneumonia recovery too much, because I think I aspirated a couple of the licorice ones.” At press time, Vatican insiders confirmed the Pope was housing Peeps in the hospital’s recovery room.

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