What To Know About ‘Mission: Impossible—The Final Reckoning’

Mission: Impossible—The Final Reckoning, the eighth installment in the series, is expected to be another box-office smash. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the film. 

Q: Who is directing?

A: Christopher McQuarrie with a gun pointed at his head by Tom Cruise.

Q: What stunts does Tom Cruise pull off in this one?

A: He manages to deliver several monologues about a computer villain called “the Entity” while maintaining a straight face.

Q: Isn’t Tom Cruise a Scientologist?

A: No. He’s Impossible Missions Force agent Ethan Hunt.

Q: Who is the movie for?

A. The Final Reckoning is great for everyone, whether you’re a male age 18 to 24 or a male age 25 to 40.

Q: What’s the mission this time?

A: To make $800 million at the box office.

Q: Why did the film have such a high budget?

A: McQuarrie insisted on using real innocent victims for each explosion.

Q: Is Clark Gable in it?

A: No, Clark Gable unfortunately continues to be dead. 

Q: What new vehicle have they decided to stage an elaborate chase sequence with?

A: Let’s just say that if fans aren’t ready for a recumbent bicycle, then they better get ready. 

Q: Should I ask Sara if she wants to go see it with me?

A: Yes. She might say no, but the pain of rejection will be nothing compared to the pain of not knowing.

Q: Is this the last Mission: Impossible film?

A: It’s the last one with non-CGI Tom Cruise.

Q: What’s Tom Cruise’s next project?

A: Based on probability, dying in a helicopter crash.

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