EXO’s Kai reflects on break from idol life: “My general way of thinking just completely changed”

It’s been two years since Kai last released new music, and he’s feeling some pressure. The EXO singer has been diligently prepping for this moment for months, sifting through potential song choices with his team, visualising the kind of concept to showcase and playing tug of war with his own instincts. Should he trust his gut, which has guided his solo career over three projects, or try something different for his return?

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In the grand scheme of things, two years isn’t very long. But for Kai, it was 641 long days of halted plans, paused aspirations and going all-but cold turkey with the fanbase he’d nurtured for close to a decade. Though time away is an inevitability for almost all Korean men, what with the country’s mandatory military service, Kai’s call-up came with little warning: In the middle of promotions for his last project, the internet-busting ‘Rover’, it was announced that he would be leaving with just a week’s notice.

“I feel [somewhat] incomplete about ‘Rover’,” Kai tells NME over a video call from Seoul. “Since there’s been a gap of two years, I was left with this lingering feeling, since I wasn’t able to perform on diverse stages to fans all over. It feels like I wasn’t really there fully for ‘Rover’.” Now, he’s parlaying that pent-up energy into his fourth mini-album ‘Wait On Me’.

“This feeling [of incompleteness] just naturally led into the making of this next album,” he says. “I thought a lot about how to express it into this album in a different way, and I think these things also made me feel pressure. ‘Should it be a new version [of me], or should it be the version that I liked?’ These thoughts remained in my mind throughout.”

But through that fog of anxiety, something clicked. “As I peeled off the layers of this album one by one, I realised that the best way was to just go with the flow,” Kai says. Fittingly, that diving-off point led him to ‘Adult Swim’, the first of two singles that preceded the project, which, in talking to Kai, reads almost like the piece of the puzzle that finally brought the image of the mini-album into focus.

“For two years, I experienced living the same routine with a fixed schedule. It was an extremely meaningful time for me.”

The sparse pop track was the first song Kai chose for the tracklist as it represented the resolution of the internal dilemma he was having about his return. Sonically, the song is light, carefree and breezy, while lyrically, it ponders themes of deep connection, and that’s how Kai realised that there’s a happy medium that can exist in juxtaposing ideas.

From then, everything fell into place. ‘Wait On Me’ flows from afrobeats-inspired rhythms to lo-fi synth pop to 808 basslines with delicate ease, and thematically, tension – the thrill of it, the chase of it, the release of it – is carried throughout each song. It feels like a natural home for someone like Kai who, as an artist, has always existed in the in-between spaces of duality, and the result is his vibiest and most intimate release to date.

Compromise isn’t usually something thrown around as positive when talking about artistic output. But for Kai, the idea of it has recently become something of a personal exploration. “The biggest thing I realised about myself [in the military] is… that I used to be very firm in my opinions,” he says. “I believed I was always correct, no matter what. But I was able to break a lot of those biases, and I wanted to fix this habit.”

He continues his train of thought. “I believed my opinion was correct, but it could be that the other person thinks differently right? So when the thought, ‘No, I’m right,’ comes up now, I recognise that the other person might have a clear reason for their point of view as well. The moment I acknowledged it, my general way of thinking just completely changed.”

“As I peeled off the layers of this album one by one, I realised that the best way was to just go with the flow.”

It’s not often that people are forced to take a break from their regularly scheduled lives and sidestep into an entirely new role and lifestyle. While there’s no doubt that this time away was destabilising for Kai, especially in regard to his stuppored career plans, it’s clear he’s come out the other side having looked at it as an opportunity for growth.

“Do you know about MBTI?” he asks, leaning into the camera. “MBTI is the worst! When you know your MBTI, you get trapped by thinking, ‘Oh, so I’m this kind of a person!’ And then you keep trying to live like that.” (For reference, Kai once identified as INFJ, meaning he was more of an introvert, but now he’s embracing his extroverted side as he sheds these labels.)

Idols who return from the military sometimes liken it to a moment of reset, a time where they can hone in on the things that matter and relinquish the things that don’t. “For two years, I experienced living the same routine with a fixed schedule. It was an extremely meaningful time for me. The experience of these two years is one that will last me for the rest of my life, that’s how precious and important that time [period] is to me.”

One huge thing that was cemented for Kai, though, was some assurance of his own identity. “A lot of artists and singers [always dream of] a life apart from that of a celebrity’s,” he says about the fantasy of adopting some anonymity in their everyday lives. “Are you the person Kim Jongin or are you the singer Kai… these kinds of thoughts.” He pauses thoughtfully. “It’s not that important. They’re both me,“ he shrugs.

With internal housekeeping done, there’s just the road ahead to focus on, one without a looming pause on the horizon. “My original life plan was that, at this age, I would live in London for one year,” he says, but that goal has been put on ice for a bit. “After these two years, I realised that I need to meet my fans as soon as possible. That’s why I can’t live there.” Instead, later this spring and summer, he’ll be heading out on his first solo Asia tour, titled ‘KAION’.

“Just the fact that I’m doing concerts makes me happy,” he says. “The concerts are actually just a means. The real objective is meeting the fans. I always really just want to meet all the fans, all over the world, but technically I need an excuse for that right? To be honest, that’s what the concerts are for me.”

And then of course, there’s EXO, the group that turned Kim Jongin into Kai and introduced him to the world. The star is effusive about his bandmates, slipping almost into a reverie as he recounts their recent 13th anniversary celebration. “We did a live [broadcast] after such a long time with the members, I feel extremely happy,” he beams. “EXO are the reason Kai exists, right?”

“For me, [performing] solo is also very important, but if it’s for the sake of EXO I could throw it all away. That’s how much I love EXO. Even in the future, I want to just be happy with my members, and I really miss them. I want to always be with them.”

Kai’s new mini-album ‘Wait On Me’ is out now on Spotify, Apple Music and more via SM Entertainment.

Additional translation provided by Neha Cariappa.

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