Physicists Discover Never-Before-Seen Particle In Back Of Old Cupboard

BOSTON—Blowing dust off a scientific breakthrough that could fundamentally alter human perception of the universe, physicists at Boston University reportedly discovered a never-before-seen elementary particle in the back of an old cupboard Wednesday. “In what constitutes a giant leap forward in the field of quantum mechanics, one of our researchers was rooting around in a cabinet and came across this thing, just lying there behind a long-forgotten bag of dried lentils,” said physics professor Garrett Percy, confirming the hitherto unknown boson particle must have been there for decades and might have even belonged to the previous tenant. “It makes you feel a little silly, going out and about, spending hours trying to discover new particles, when all along there was a perfectly good one back home. And sure, it’s a little dried out, but if we pop it in the accelerator for a few minutes it’ll be good as new.” At press time, a panicked Percy was asking the assembled reporters to help him find the subatomic particle after he accidentally dropped it on the ground.

The post Physicists Discover Never-Before-Seen Particle In Back Of Old Cupboard appeared first on The Onion.