Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame Honors Guy Going Nuts In Front Row

CLEVELAND—Honoring the concertgoer for his seemingly bottomless reserves of energy, the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame announced Thursday the induction of the guy going nuts in the front row. “Tonight, we’re proud to induct this wild-eyed guy for his commitment to going balls to the wall,” said foundation chairman John Sykes, who lauded the anonymous sweat-soaked fan who had been furiously banging his head, jumping, and throwing his clenched fists into the air for well over two hours. “This guy is an inspiration not just to his peers, but to everyone who saw him on the jumbotron losing his fucking shit. It’s an honor that is long overdue, as he’s been screaming all the lyrics ever since the very first tune. Many aren’t aware of this fact, but he actually pioneered the technique of whipping off his shirt for no discernible reason.” At press time, the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame had reportedly rescinded the honor after the guy punched a security guard.

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