Elon Musk Weeps, For There Are No More Women To Impregnate

AUSTIN, TX—Realizing that every uterus had already been conquered, Tesla CEO Elon Musk reportedly wept Wednesday, for there were no more women for him to impregnate. “I have sown the many fields with my seed and reaped a bountiful harvest, yet now there are no new vessels to bear my fruit,” said Musk, who gazed through tears upon his infinite legion of mothers, expectant and otherwise, as he lamented the limits of his fecundity, having laid claim to every womb on Earth. “I traversed each valley of passion, plucked the last willing rose, and now no bloom remains for my yearning hand. O where is the yielding flesh for which I so pine? The sweet nectarines have all been gathered, and now my orchard lies bare. Could there be just one more maiden to cradle my progeny?” At press time, sources confirmed that Musk had decided to just get Grimes pregnant again.

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