Manhattan On Alert Following Sunrise Unaccompanied By Languid Clarinet Music

NEW YORK—Instinctively lowering themselves into a defensive crouch while awaiting the return of the eerily absent audio cue, Manhattan residents reportedly remained on alert Thursday after a sunrise unaccompanied by languid clarinet music. “Every day, as long as I can remember, I would roll out of bed to a soulful clarinet solo scoring the sun’s ascent over the Hudson, but today there’s only silence,” said longtime Hell’s Kitchen resident Robin Saunders, one of 1.6 million baffled Manhattanites who remained locked down at home as authorities investigated the music’s mysterious absence, only briefly peering out of their apartment windows in the hope of catching a single trill or sustained seventh note to mark the return to bluesy normalcy. “It didn’t matter whether I was waking up from a long bender in the West Village or getting ready for my workaday job in Midtown: Hearing those reeds blow out a long, sleepy note, watching the sunlight dapple off the Flatiron, and Woolworth buildings—that’s how you knew you were in New York. Now, though? It’s like I’m in some strange, alien world devoid of anything approaching syncopation.” At press time, the city had declared a state of emergency after Brooklyn residents reported being unable to hear the sultry saxophone solo that typically soundtracks their lonely evening walks under neon signs.

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