How to banish toxic positivity at work

Sure, we know that feelings are highly contagious, and being positive can help others around us to feel the same, but let’s be honest for a moment: sometimes life isn’t all rainbows. Some days aren’t great, and sometimes positivity isn’t the best way to handle it. And research confirms it: one 10-year study into using avoidance to cope—perhaps by pretending things are fine, rather than addressing when they aren’t— finds that it can increase chronic, acute stress and be linked to long-term depressive symptoms. 

In my experience as an emotional intelligence and human behavior specialist, our workplaces are becoming more focused on employee wellbeing, but it’s an easy way to compel us to fake optimism, regardless of the real circumstances at hand. In workplace cultures, toxic positivity compels people to remain optimistic or think positively regardless of the real circumstances—say, key clients lost, budgets and bonuses frozens, or team-wide layoffs. And it’s pervasive: one survey by workplace blog Science of People finds that almost 68% of people had experienced toxic positivity in the last week. 

The fundamental basics of relationships between people is based on the ability to trust. Trust is created through being honest and transparent, being accountable and creditable, and being empathetic and vulnerable. It takes being real—and fake positivity isn’t real. If I can see that your optimism is a put-on, how can I trust the other things you say or do? Do I feel safe to be real, or do I, too, need to fake positivity?

When this occurs, it impacts every part of our workplace—from our culture, to our performance and our mental health. Ultimately it impacts the overall success of each person and in turn, their organization. Here are five steps to shut down toxic positivity in a workplace.

1. Own the reality of the situation. The world is not perfect; we are not perfect. Things will go wrong, and we will get it wrong at times. The only thing we have control over in this world is how we choose to respond—and our response should be authentic and genuine. Respond appropriately to the workplace situation, at the right intensity, without the need for forced toxic positivity. 
2. Face emotions head-on. There is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” emotion, and while we tend to think positivity is the former, that isn’t the case. We should be focusing on whether an emotion is appropriate for the situation, and whether the intensity that we are feeling the emotion is appropriate. We feel emotions for a reason. Acknowledge and understand what is driving an emotion so that it can be processed before we move on.
3. Understand how the people around us are feeling. Our emotions are influential to the people around us, but people can spot an insincere emotion from far away. Faking an emotion is setting a standard in workplace environments of what is acceptable and what is not. Trust and respect won’t be created when people are not being authentic or genuine. 
4. Ask the right questions, and answer questions asked. Communication is always key to the workplace environment, and the ability to communicate effectively directly influences our culture. When we are feeling any form of intensive emotion, we have something to say. Ask the right questions to better understand what is driving another person’s emotions. Answer the questions they have, and provide the information they require to be able to move forward. 
5. Drive emotional intelligence. Realistically, we know that a great culture in a workplace is when all emotions are being displayed appropriately. In some situations, it may be optimism—and other times it might be sadness, anger, disappointment, fear, or frustration. Let’s not judge someone else’s emotion. Assess it, and do what it takes to ensure they are felt and processed before moving forward. 

“The standard you walk past is the standard you accept,” Australian Lieutenant General David Morrison once said. Every person contributes to the culture of a workplace. By facing toxic positivity and choosing more effective communication, you can change yours.