Taylor Swift Wakes Up From Nightmare Where Travis Kelce Wins Oscar Before Her

BOCA RATON, FL—Sitting straight up in bed in a cold sweat as she struggled to shake the horrifying image from her mind, pop superstar Taylor Swift reportedly awoke from a nightmare Tuesday in which her boyfriend, Travis Kelce, won an Oscar before she did. “It was horrible—they called his name, and I had to stand up and smile as he kissed me on the cheek before going up to accept the statuette from Lupita Nyong’o,” said the 14-time Grammy winner, breathlessly recalling the details of a dream wherein Kelce retired from the NFL to pursue acting, was cast in a lead role in a feature film, and turned out a surprisingly sensitive and raw performance that made him a favorite to win the Academy Award for best actor. “I know it’s just in my head. I mean, in real life he can barely read without slowly sounding out the words, but the thought of it still makes me nauseous. Oh God, he got to be directed by Greta Gerwig too, and she called him a ‘generational talent’ at the ceremony. I think I’m going to puke.” According to reports, Swift managed to fall back asleep only to return to the nightmare and watch as Kelce ascended the Oscars stage to accept a second Academy Award, this time for best original song.

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