Archaeologists Uncover Embarrassing Egyptian Rockabilly Dynasty

CAIRO—In what many are calling the most cringe discovery of the century, a team of archaeologists reportedly uncovered evidence this week of a completely embarrassing Egyptian Rockabilly dynasty. “While excavating an area around the Valley of the Kings, we were able to unearth tombs containing artifacts that appear to date from a long-forgotten and groan-inducing dynasty centered around a reverence for Rockabilly,” said lead researcher Dr. Donovan Tilly, explaining that the sight represented a treasure trove of incredibly lame fertility idols with intact pompadours, hieroglyphs depicting high priestesses attending ceremonial sock hops in poodle skirts, and pin-up mummies with winged eyeliner and bright-red lipstick. “It’s obvious from looking at the painfully uncool leather jackets from the reign of Pharaoh Jeepers Creepers IV why the ancient Egyptians felt the need to bury the pathetic artifacts so deep underground. These large belt buckles emblazoned with images of the sun deity Ra shed new light on one of the most mortifying periods of antiquity.” At press time, clay pomade vessels and other ancient Rockabilly relics were handed over to the Egyptian government to ensure their destruction.

The post Archaeologists Uncover Embarrassing Egyptian Rockabilly Dynasty appeared first on The Onion.