Trump Revokes PBS Funding After Antique Grandfather Clock Receives Meager Appraisal

WASHINGTON—Signing the executive order just minutes after storming off the set, President Donald Trump revoked federal funding for PBS this week after his grandfather clock reportedly received a lower-than-expected Antiques Roadshow appraisal. “For Christ’s sake, $2,500?” said a visibly flabbergasted Trump, who appeared to grow more and more irate as the appraiser explained that the longcase clock was likely a reproduction from the 1980s and not the 19th-century family heirloom the commander-in-chief had claimed it was. “This is solid walnut, handcrafted in the Black Forest. This thing is worth $25,000 at the least. You must be out of your mind. You’re crazy. What are your qualifications, anyway? You people will never see a cent out of me again.” At press time, sources confirmed Trump was scraping the “Made in China” sticker off the clock.

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