Trump Aides Unsure Why Spalding Making Such Generous PAC Donations

WASHINGTON—Grateful but confused by the unexpected windfall of financial support, top aides to President Donald Trump were reportedly confused Wednesday after his super PAC received a series of generous donations from the sporting goods giant Spalding. “Are we doing something with basketballs? Did the president threaten to outlaw basketballs? Do we have to establish a basketball task force now?” said White House aide Jacob Walker, expressing bafflement after the prominent basketball equipment manufacturer sent several multimillion-dollar checks to Trump’s campaign war chest. “Spalding just gave another $4 million to MAGA Inc. out of nowhere. This seems to be a quid pro quo of some kind, but it’s hard to tell what they’re angling for. Is it possible they did something illegal with basketballs that they’ll need a pardon for? Hard to think what that would even be. Maybe let’s just have the president take a picture holding a Spalding basketball in the Oval Office and call it a day?” At press time, the aides were reportedly thrown into deeper confusion by a sudden series of generous contributions from Tachikara volleyballs.

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