Trump Pardons Tom Sandoval

WASHINGTON—As part of a flurry of legal actions in recent days that granted clemency to more than 25 people, President Donald Trump reportedly pardoned disgraced Bravo TV star Tom Sandoval this week. “Thanks to President Trump, Tom Sandoval will finally be indemnified against all the toxic Vanderpump Rules drama,” said publicist Ashley Partington, adding that the 42-year-old musician and restaurateur was unfairly targeted for cheating on longtime girlfriend Ariana Madix with his co-star Raquel Leviss. “The president understands that following your heart is not a crime, and he was willing to fight for Tom’s right to cheat with ‘Miami Girl’ or to hook up with a bottle service waitress after absconding to Las Vegas. If anything, it’s Team Ariana that should be punished. She was a total bitch and is clearly just using all the free publicity to push her merch.” At press time, Trump had announced plans to make the former site of Sandoval’s failed bar Schwartz & Sandy’s a national monument.

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