Ghislaine Maxwell Can’t Help But Notice Interview Room Covered In Plastic Sheeting

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Perplexed that the Department of Justice had chosen a setting with such strange decor to ask her about Jeffrey Epstein’s co-conspirators, Ghislaine Maxwell confirmed Thursday that she couldn’t help but notice her interview room was covered in plastic sheeting. “Wow, you’ve got the whole room tarped up—you guys doing some painting later?” said Maxwell as she stepped into the Florida courthouse’s windowless office, with eyewitnesses reporting that she then carefully shuffled over to a plastic-wrapped chair after briefly slipping on the slick, sheeted floor. “I see you’ve got plenty of bleach, too. You must be pretty concerned about hygiene with all the people who pass through here. And hey, you’re all wearing ponchos. Is it supposed to rain later? Looked sunny when I came in, but I’d take a poncho too if you’ve got a spare. Alright, I guess you’re closing the door, let’s get down to it. Good call picking a soundproof room so we can really focus on the interview.” At press time, Maxwell was reportedly heard muttering “Ohhhhhh, that’s what it’s for,” after noticing the knife sticking out of her ribcage.

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