7 habits emotionally intelligent people avoid

In our chaotic and fast-paced world, emotional intelligence keeps us grounded. It helps us be successful in our work and remain satisfied with our lives. 

Often we focus on what it means to be emotionally intelligent, and what actions emotionally intelligent people take. However, we rarely ask what things emotionally intelligent people don’t do.

Here are seven habits emotionally intelligent people avoid at all costs.

1. Reacting impulsively

Emotionally intelligent people know how important it is to not act impulsively. They understand that they are vulnerable in situations where they experience strong feelings and have trained themselves to wait until their emotions settle down. They are able to think through how to respond, instead of reacting from their emotions. This results in better decision-making and fewer regrets. 

2. Suppressing their emotions

While emotionally intelligent people don’t let their emotions run amok, they also don’t ignore or suppress their emotions. They will acknowledge and share their emotions during appropriate and safe situations. They understand that it helps them process their emotions if they are able to name and share their emotions in the right situation. In my book, Emotional Intelligence Game Changers, I delve more deeply into how to overcome negative emotions. 

3. Finding fault with, criticizing, and putting others down

While they will give feedback to others, emotionally intelligent people will never do this to punish them, belittle them, or make them feel bad. They will give feedback to help the other person make positive changes and avoid making the same mistakes in the future. Their feedback will include providing alternative ways that the person could have dealt with a situation more effectively.

4. Gossiping

Emotionally intelligent people recognize the dangers and toxicity of gossiping. They avoid people who gossip and refuse to encourage it. They prefer to make their own judgements of others, and if they have a problem with someone else, they chose to deal with them directly. They trust their own judgement and won’t be easily swayed by the opinion of others or get caught up in groupthink.

5. Blowing setbacks and failures out of proportion

We all have to deal with setbacks and failures. People with high emotional intelligence don’t allow themselves to see failure as an indicator that they are personally flawed. They chose to frame failure as an opportunity for feedback for what they could do better or differently in the future. Instead of ruminating on what went wrong and what could have been done differently, they see the value in the lessons learned and understand that mistakes are a stepping stone to making better choices in the future.

6. Avoiding tough conversations

Emotionally intelligent people do not enjoy difficult conversations more than anyone else does. They recognize, however, the perils of not having them. Instead of avoiding hard truths, they prepare for them. They make sure they are emotionally in control, and the conversation is in a private space. They do their best to be respectful, listen, look for opportunities for collaboration, and brainstorm constructive ideas for moving forward.

7. Holding grudges

Like everyone else, emotionally intelligent people can feel hurt, betrayed, angry, and vengeful. However, they realize that holding grudges will only hurt them by taking up energy that could be more effectively used in their own growth and development. They may not forget, but instead chose to focus their energies on the positive and the future instead of things that have upset them in the past. If they do look back, they use it as a learning opportunity, rather than dwelling upon the wrong that was done to them.