What To Know About ‘Love Island USA’

Love Island USA is in the midst of its seventh season. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the reality dating series.

Q: What are the couples competing for?

A: The forever-out-of-reach approval of a distant or absent authority figure.

Q: What happens to contestants who get eliminated?

A: They are chemically castrated.

Q: What do fans enjoy most?

A: The opportunity to cyberbully hot people without social backlash.

Q: What’s been the most successful pairing to come out of the show?

A: Bathing suits and jewelry. 

Q: Can I visit Love Island?

A: Those who attempt to make contact have been met with hostility, with spears hurled at intruders as a ritual act of territorial defense.

Q: How can I tell which contestants really love each other?

A: Reddit.

Q: How many episodes are in a season?

A: When the pyramids have turned to dust and the skyscrapers lie in ruin, still you shall hear the call of the Casa. 

Q: Why is my girlfriend so obsessed with the show?

A: She’s trying to convince herself that there are people with even more toxic relationships than her own. 

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